Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
