we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
