I'm going to jail i love you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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