I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
