he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
