I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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