how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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