I will die if light touches me.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
