My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
