It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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