I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
