just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
