I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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