I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
