fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
