well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
