are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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