Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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