highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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