I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
