i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
