btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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