my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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