I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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