I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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