On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize