You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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