We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
