after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
