if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We left the knife in your bed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
