I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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