took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
