Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
