I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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