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Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
