My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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