i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
