What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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