Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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