So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
