just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
