one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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