I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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