I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
