Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
