Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
