For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize