i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
