dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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