Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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