I seem to have left my pride at pride
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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