every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
