Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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