is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
