all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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