I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
