I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
