I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
