I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
