Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
