I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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