if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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