I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
