They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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