Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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