she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
