You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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