The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
