When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
