Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
