How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
